


Full Disclosure

by foggys_cupcake_girl



Series: Colin's mini-harem collection [2]
Category: Actor RPF
Genre: Bathing/Washing, Cuddling & Snuggling, Eating Disorders, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Farrelleto trash now y'all how did that happen, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Men Crying, Past Abuse, Past Drug Addiction, Slice of Life, honestly nothing actually happens you guys, it's just Colin and Jared being cute, it's like implied but there's no actual depiction of disordered eating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-13
Updated: 2021-03-13
Packaged: 2021-03-21 17:42:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30025467
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/foggys_cupcake_girl/pseuds/foggys_cupcake_girl
Summary: When Colin's sex tape is unceremoniously leaked, he realizes he's going to have some explaining to do. Luckily, his partner understands...
Relationships: Colin Farrell/Jared Leto
Series: Colin's mini-harem collection [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2208759
Comments: 2
Kudos: 1





	Full Disclosure

**Author's Note:**

  * For [redreaper86](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redreaper86/gifts).



> The idea of Colin having a feeding kink was specifically an invention of redreaper86, as introduced in [this fic](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29499654). The incident referenced here with Nicole Narin, the girl who leaked hers and Colin's sex tape, is another (very vERY ANGSTY) scene dreamed up by redreaper for our collab "Be Gentle with Me," which can be found [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/29788383/chapters/73623507).
> 
> TWs in this for references to sexual assault (see above fics) and disordered eating. Nothing major happens, it's all just discussed.

Colin can’t breathe when he gets the news.

This just is not fair. He’s sober now, his career is…still a wreck but he’s getting offers again, he’s got a boyfriend he loves and his family knows and they’re happy for him, and he has new management, a new agent and a new publicist and they’re good, they’re not too harsh with him but they’re honest about what it’s going to take to boost his reputation again (which, yeah,  _ this _ isn’t going to help), and he’s not exactly a role model for children but he’s doing well now, he was  _ happy _ until he found out about  _ this, _ and now he can’t help but fear that it’s all ruined.

Leaked. The tape that he made in a moment when he was high and it seemed like a good idea, the tape he made to please her…it’s been leaked, and he’d be stupid not to think he knows who did it. As for why…well, that’s obvious. And it hurts. He thought he could put this behind him. But apparently, he can’t. Those mistakes, he now knows, will always follow him.

Jared comes back from an audition to see his partner curled up on the couch, his entire body trembling with the effort to suppress the panic attack that has been threatening to choke him all day. Colin winces when Jared sits down behind him and gently wraps both arms around him, pressing a soft kiss to his temple. “I’m here, you can relax,” he says, and Colin winces again; that’s what Jared always says when he’s afraid Colin is about to give into a craving for alcohol or something worse.

Colin has to tell him. He has to. Jared is his partner, he deserves to know… “It’s not what you think,” he chokes out, and then squeezes his eyes shut so he doesn’t have to look at Jared, doesn’t have to see the love vanish from his eyes as Colin tells him about the tape. “I made it before we were together, I swear,” he blurts out in a panic as Jared’s arms tighten around him. “I deserve this, I cheated on her with Kim…but I didn’t cheat on you, Jared, I swear to every god there is, I haven’t slept around on you, never, I don’t do that anymore—”

“Sh-h-h.” Jared rocks him, very gently, just as he did that first night behind the bunks when Colin realized he was in love. “I know you didn’t cheat. For one thing,” and he chuckles a little, “I saw a still from it on TMZ in the waiting room…you haven’t had your head shaved like that since 2003.”

Colin relaxes a little, turning his head to press his face into Jared’s neck. “Thank you,” he whispers. Jared hums quietly and strokes his chest with a steady, gentle hand. “I’m so sorry, I can’t believe she—”

“Colin, stop,” Jared commands him quietly. “This isn’t your fault, my love. It’s all on her. She decided to do this, she decided to violate you…” He trails off for a moment. His hold on Colin suddenly becomes almost uncomfortably tight as he says, in a low, unhappy voice, “This isn’t the first time she’s hurt you, is it.”

Colin makes a tiny, broken noise that he wishes Jared couldn’t hear. But Jared hears, of course, he always hears. “I can’t,” he whispers, and presses his face deeper into Jared’s neck. “I lied,” he murmurs into Jared’s skin. Jared smells so good, so comforting, and Colin clings to that smell like a security blanket as he confesses, “Rehab didn’t fix me…I’m broken, sweetheart, I—I’m so sorry.”

Jared cradles Colin gently, protectively, and presses another kiss to his forehead before he says Colin’s absolute favorite sentence in the English language: “C’mon, love. Let’s have a bath, that’ll make you feel better.”

~

It’s easier to talk in the bathtub. The warm water relaxes his muscles and loosens his tongue, and Colin waits until Jared has him wrapped comfortably in his arms, one hand gently massaging some cool, slippery gel that smells like lavender into his skin, to tentatively explain, “I…I think…I have an eating disorder.”

“Yeah,” Jared says like he already knew, and Colin is so shocked he nearly drowns.

“You—you knew?” he sputters, when he can breathe again.

Jared sighs heavily. “Colin, baby, you freak out if someone asks you to gain more than ten pounds for a movie. When they told you that you needed to go up two pants sizes for  _ Miami Vice, _ I thought you were going to burst into tears on the spot.”

“What does that have to do with anything?” Colin asks, genuinely confused. “I thought you knew about…” He chews his lip for a moment. “I—I think—well, she called it feederism, I don’t know if that’s the right word or the mean word, but—”

“Who called it—what?” Now Jared sounds confused. He holds Colin up at arm’s length and says, “What in the hell are  _ you _ talking about?”

“I—I like—” Colin winces, and pushes it all out in a single breath. “I have a—a fetish for being tied up and fed until I’m too full to move. Nicole called it feederism. It’s—you eat until you die, I think she said.”

“Oh,  _ fuck her,” _ Jared says exasperatedly, his eyes narrowing. “That little satin sack of shit. If I ever get my hands on her…” His words are harsh, but his touch is gentle as he draws Colin back down against his chest. “Feeding fetish is not the same thing as binge-eating disorder. That  _ cow… _ I could murder her…you don’t have binge eating disorder, trust me.”

Colin’s heart begins to race, hope pounding treacherously through his veins. Haltingly, carefully, he tells Jared the full story in bits and pieces, stopping here and there to tremble and breathe deep, shaking breaths against his partner’s neck. Jared is a model of patience the whole time, rubbing his back and whispering gentle sweet nothings in his ear when Colin needs to stop and keep himself from crying. By the end of it he feels as if something poisonous has been extracted from him and he slumps in Jared’s arms, feeling exhausted but somehow purified.

“Oh, Colin. My king, my love,” Jared murmurs tenderly, one hand cupping the base of Colin’s skull and gently but firmly keeping his head pressed into Jared’s neck, shielding him from the world. “She lied to you, baby. She lied to you and gaslit you and hurt you terribly but it’s all right. She doesn’t get to have that part of you. Not anymore.” He strokes Colin’s neck with the pad of his thumb as he goes on, “If you want me to do that with you, I will. But if it’s too much, too painful, we won’t. It’s just a fetish, love. That’s all. It was something that you wanted to do that would make you feel good. That’s all it is. You don’t have to make it anything more than that.”

Colin makes a soft, wounded noise and presses his face deeper into Jared’s shoulder. “I don’t know if I can…”

“Then we won’t.” Jared moves on to stroking Colin’s damp hair, the long strands slipping loose through his fingers. “I’m sorry,” he says quietly, almost contritely. “If I’d known she did that to you…I’m so sorry.”

“It was nothing,” Colin says, the reflex to downplay automatic.

“It was not nothing!” Jared wraps Colin up in a warm, protective embrace as he hisses out through gritted teeth, “That bitch essentially  _ raped _ you, do you get that? She—fuck, Colin,” and now stoic, gentle Jared sounds close to tears, “she violated your body and your trust and you—you still trust me, fuck if I know how.” He loosens his grip a little, presses a quick, soft kiss to the top of Colin’s head. “The fact that you trust  _ anyone _ after that is…it’s amazing. Your capacity for love must be unmatched.” 

He sounds breathless, almost in awe, and it’s such a typical Jared thing to say that Colin almost laughs. The only thing that would make it more quintessential Jared would be if he threw in something about aligned chakras. But Colin doesn’t feel like laughing. He feels like melting into his partner’s arms and letting loose the tears he’s been holding back as he rides the wave of mingled relief and love and pain crashing over him. So that’s exactly what he does.


End file.
